So again, as usual, there isn't too much to share. The title of this section is Ups and Downs, so here are some ups we've had.
On Saturday, September 11th, Evan went to the Jordan River Temple to take out his endowments. What an amazing experience. All he could say was, "Wow....wow!" It was really awesome.
The following day, Sept. 12th, we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. It's crazy how quickly that year went by. What a great year it has been. Not easy, but worth every hard time we have been through. I love him so much.
Saturday, September 18th, Evan and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. We have officially began our forever family. So far it is just Evan and I, but if he's all I get...I'll take it.
As far as our downs, it's really just one.
The first part of October, we were suprised when our favorite monthly visitor didn't come. I have not been "late" in two years, so we started thinking...could it be? I decided that I was not going to get too hopeful because I knew I would be upset if things didn't go the way I wanted them to. So we took a test...negative. This didn't disuade us from believing it could still be possible, especially Evan.
Another week passed, still no visit, so another test....negative.
At this point, I was starting to get disapointed, but still I was getting more hopeful than I should have and wanted to.
So, in order to put my mind (and heart) at ease, I decided the best thing to do is get a blood test at the doctors office. That would be the best thing to do.
So we made an appt. to see the doctor on a friday. She seemed pretty hopeful, which made me more hopeful. But we had to wait over the weekend for the test to come back.
So, Evan and I started planning how we were going to tell our families, who we would tell first, what we would post on facebook, changes we would have to make, etc.
So, monday finally came and no call by lunch time, so I decided to call them.
I asked for my results and heard, "Yeah, sorry to tell you, but you are not expecting at this time. Good luck."
I was devestated and angry. I was at work, so I couldn't break down and cry like I wanted to, I couldn't start yelling at myself for getting so hopeful like I wanted to, I couldn't hug my husband like I wanted to, I couldn't fall apart like I wanted to.
Instead, I called Evan, told him the news and went back to work.
That night, while Evan was at work I cried and cried and cried. How could this be? We are ready for a baby! We would be awesome parents! There are so many people who have kids and then beat them or shake them to death. I would never do that, so why can't it be my turn?
After I got out all my angry frustrated tears out, I cried different tears. Tears of my thankfulness for a Heavenly Father who has a plan, no matter how different it may be from my ideas. Tears for my knowledge of the plan of happiness and that no matter what this life may bring us, I will be given an opportunity in the next life to have children. Tears for my knowledge that families can and will be together forever. MY family will be together forever.
It is still difficult, I haven't told many people this story, not that it's traumatic or anything, probably more for the reason that it's NOT traumatic. Just a bump in the road really.
But it has taught me to continue to trust in my Heavenly Father. He know's what's best for me and my husband.
Thank goodness there is an iron rod to hold on to, cause all these curves, turns, and ups and downs, really make it hard to stay on the path.
